“I love you, that means I’m not just here for the pretty parts. I’m here no matter what.”
— Claudia Gray
(via purplebuddhaquotes)
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The ones who notice the storms in your eyes…the silence in your voice and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in.
Being introverted as a guy is pretty hard. Gotta get comfortable with solidarity
Fran and Jock
by reddit user Pippinacious/ tumblr user muricanmagpie
I was the last in a long line of grandkids on both sides of the family. No one has ever said as much, but I’m pretty sure I was an “oops” baby; the result of one too many glasses of wine and a couple over forty who thought unplanned pregnancies were for teens.
Oops.
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod okay most of these don’t get me or scare me that bad but OH MY GOD
This one is so good!
I’m not crying you are
man i’m too emotional for this
5-10-2016
It’s been a long time since I last wrote anything. Getting off of this clonazepam has been pretty difficult. It’s been 4.6 months since I last took a dose though. I’m through the worst of it. I’m only going to get better.
I’m so anxious to be able to drink coffee, smoke weed, drink alcohol, and live a normal life. I feel like my life was put on pause when I started taking the drug 6 or 7 years ago. I’ve been letting life slip me by, it seems.
It’s crazy to think that I only took the drug for 2 years where it actually worked. The last 4 or 5 years I spent trying to stop taking the drug. Add on this years of getting back to healthy, and that’s a lot of wasted time.
I’ve hid from my emotions for so long. I feel like I’m at the maturity level of a 20 year old. I feel like I wasted my peak years of attractiveness hiding from girls. I still can’t seem to figure out how to attract girls, either.
It’s crazy, I’m in great shape. I’m an attractive guy. Girls seem interested at times. I just have no clue what to do or say. I feel doomed to be lonely the rest of my life. I feel doomed to failure.
I’ve been given all of these great gifts: I’m smart, attractive, etc. But my mental health has always gotten in the way of my potential.
I wonder if there’s something I could have done differently. Could I have maybe not smoked weed? Chosen different friends? I could go on and on. But the truth is, I responded to my environment the way I was programmed to. Well, programmed is a bad word. I’m not a computer. But given my nature, I react to certain stimuli in a certain way. I can learn and adapt; I can choose different ways to respond as I gain an understanding. But I only have so much control.
I’m doing my best to learn from my mistakes. I’m doing my best to make the right decisions.
I need to recognize my limitations. It’s hard to tell what those are though. Am I going to get smarter once I’ve been off the clonazepam for a longer period of time? Am I going to be more in control of my emotions? Am I going to be less depressed?
There’s so much mystery. I’m about to turn 27 years old. I’ve never been in a relationship. I feel like I don’t really know myself yet.
Sure, I know certain things. I know what I want out of life. But I don’t know what goals are attainable, and what goals are not.
Part of me wants to settle down and quit school—just focus on my career. But part of me doesn’t want to give up on finishing school and reaching higher. One path seems easier, and less stressful. The other path seems more fulfilling.
I don’t want to look back and think what if? But no matter what I choose, it’s possible I wonder what if.
I’m so afraid to make a mistake. So afraid to fail. I wish life were simpler. Wish it weren’t so stressful. Wish I could find some inner peace. It seems every time I reach inner peace, it fades. It never lasts. I have to work really hard to attain it. But I can lose it in a second.
I wish I were better at making decisions. Wish I were more decisive. Wish I were more confident.
Will I ever improve at these things? Will I ever find happiness that lasts? Will I ever be successful? Will I ever live up to my standards? Is it possible?
Sometimes I wonder what girls are thinking
Like, I’d be such a perfect boyfriend. I like to talk. I like to cook. I like to have fun. I’m pretty damn attractive. I’m smart. Why aren’t girls all over me? Sometimes I wonder if it’d be easier to be a girl. If you wanna get laid, all you gotta do is walk outside.
Well.. I guess I don’t have to worry about getting raped. At least I have that..Yes I overthink but I also over-love.
I pretty much over-do everything, when compared to everyone else. But it’s not healthy to compare ones self to others.
Every time I see a pretty girl my mind just starts spinning. It doesn’t
matter how relaxed I am, how confident, etc. This is something that is
just going to continue to happen. It’s going to continue to make me
unhappy. And I don’t know what to do about it.
Study me as much as you like, you will never know me, for I differ a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Put yourself behind my eyes, and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see.
Rumi
(via fyp-psychology)
This one’s pretty interesting. I’m never going to be able to fully understand another person. Another person will never be able to fully understand me. I’m most likely never going to be able to fully understand myself. People are complicated. People are always changing. There’s so much going on in the subconscious that we never know about. There’s so much about ourselves that we’ll never be able to fully grasp.
Meditation is pretty hard. It’s difficult to prevent thoughts from taking over. Just trying to focus on your breath and let the thoughts go past will relax you though.
Something came to me in meditation. I know I picked up a fear of abandonment when my dad moved away (when I was young). My parent’s divorce taught me that love doesn’t last forever, and I always avoided relationships because I knew they would all have an end-date. When you start to think that you will be abandoned–and your relationships won’t last–it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think it’s best not to think too far into the future, and just make the most of the present. When you get into fortune-telling, nothing good comes from it.
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